Stress. I have bills due and I'm contemplating several different financial options. Admittedly, I have not been a good steward with my money and finances in the past and some of those bad habits (which are hard to break) are catching up to me. Keep me in prayer on how to handle things. I'm getting antsy waiting for next semester to start back up so I can finally get out of this stupid university- my degree is calling for me like you wouldn't believe. It's beyond time.
On the other side
of the spectrum, I've been faced with yet ANOTHER dissapointment from someone
I trusted with my heart. Typical. My entire perspective on my future has shifted
a bit over the past few weeks. I have a lot of anger and resentment toward someone
resurfacing- pray for me to keep my mind focused on Christ and let it go. This
is an area of my life that I seem to let have too much sway over me. My time
off over the past week has been eaten up by work on this site, but I feel this
is an investment that is more than worth the time I put into it. Now if I could
only straighten out the rest of my life like that.... 
Other than these things, life has been pretty much ordinary. I praise God for the things He has done and for those things He's going to do with my future. Sometimes I just wish I knew what it all would end up like.
Till next month,
Kerry
Nothing is ever stationary with me. In a matter of days, a few of my perceptions
on relationships and people I relate to have changed. My focus has shifted a
bit, and in some things I feel disillusioned. But I still press on. Sometimes
as a believer, I feel 'insignificant' when thinking selfishly about my
wants (not needs) concerning my life. For example, I sometimes think myself
into a frame of mind where I'll be single for the rest of my life (in case you
haven't noticed, I am a very 'family' centered type person) and that 'it doesn't
matter' as long as I'm using my life to serve the Lord.
Now, before everyone starts e-mailing me, I do get out of this frame of thinking
sometimes. Maybe it's the fact that those people who do 'capture my heart' so
to speak, are, in many cases, very VERY spiritually immature and makes me question
whether or not there are any women who fit what I'm looking for. On the flip
side, there's also those who I run into who fall into the 'holier than thou'
category and don't know how to enjoy life. Depressing? You bet! I know I'm not
alone, since one of my dear brothers and I have been talking about these issues
with each other. I know I'm not the only one going through all of this. I looked
at a few of my brothers and sisters in Christ over the years who once stood
where I did and see how the Lord eventually blessed them with a wonderful mate.
A lot goes into preparing a mate for you and sometimes waiting on the Lord can
be a difficult thing. But the words of Psalm 37:25 rang true for them as it
will for me and all those who wait in singleness for a mate: "I have never seen
the righteous forsaken, nor His children begging for bread." The Lord will provide.
I guess this is where James 1 comes in
On a side note, I just decided (spur of the moment) to stop snail pacing around
and get the bookstore (most of it) uploaded. I'm starting to experience 'Glenn
Miller Syndrome' (those of you who visit the Christian Thinktank know what I'm
talking about)- I'm about 15 questions behind and need to catch up, including
a discussion over water baptism that someone posted on streetwizdom.com that
I haven't responded to yet. My apologetics list has EXPLODED in the space of
a month and half, with around 50 subscribers (folks come and go). The volume
of mail daily has grown, so if you're considering joining, but don't want 10-15
e-mails per day in your box (that's on a busy day), subscribe to the digest
version where it'll all come to you in one e-mail per day.
I'll be adding a few new sections to this site and re-designing the front page
(and eventually the whole site) since I'm getting more and more ideas. My next
major project (which I've been researching) comes as a result of my dialogue
with a dear brother in Christ (Paul Mansbacher out of England) regarding the
King James Bible vs Modern Translations. Those interested in the dialogue can
visit some of the archives for my apologetics list (most of our dialogue was
posted there and on the CCBE as well). This next project will focus on text
transmission, preservation and translation, since many believers seem to be
uninformed on these issues.
Prayer list: ME, My sister in Christ Nicole, whose mom got rushed to
the emergency room today, two friends I have to choose between, an ex-fiancee
who continues to hold more sway on my heart than she should, and YOUR pastor.
Well, I have to be up for work in 3-4 hours, so I have to head to bed. Enjoy
the bookstore, since it's finally done. I'll be adding more books each update.
And my updates will be every 1-1.5 months now since most of my time will be
eaten up in research
By the way, my birthday
was October 30th- I'm accepting presents late
I'm 26 now.
In Him,
Kerry
It's been one of those remarkable summers. I've seen the Lord prove over and over to me that I can trust Him- the worse types of doubts believers can have are those little 'minor' doubts that bug you and undermine your faith like termites. So what does Yahweh do? He gives me all these 'little' confirmations that things and situations in my life WILL work out. And what can I do? All I can do is PRAISE HIM- even in those times when things look dark, I PRAISE HIM!! Nights over the summer, I've fallen asleep crying but even still worshiping God through my tears. As Fred Hammond and Radical For Christ would say "If you don't have a reason to praise Him let me give you one/ He gave you a brand new mercy with the rising of the sun...." I'm in a Psalm 150 kind of mood, can't you tell?
Things of beauty I've seen defy description. All I can do is give praise to
God for them. Among them, I've seen my contacts with this ministry lift off
the ground. I had the pleasure of spending a day with J.P. Holding of Tekton
Apologetics Ministries and his wife back in mid-July.....ahhhh the fellowship!!!
I've seen a few more prayers answered- I've been wanting to start an apologetics
mailing list back up- Bro. Matthew Bell (though he doesn't know it) helped to
point me to a few free sources once I subscribed to his mailing list, Christians
Combating Biblical Errancy (CCBE). As a result, APOLOGETICS
is up and running now and I'm getting a list of topics to toss at the list for
us to discuss.
The bookstore is put on the back burner for a little while- I'll get to it on
the next update. I have about 30 book reviews ready and another 20-25 on the
way soon. In the meantime, everyone can go over to J.P. Holding's site and buy
from his
site.
On a related front, the Jude3.org website is no longer active. Sad to see it
go, but Bro. J.P. Holding has branched off with Tekton Apologetics Ministries
as has Bro. Bruno Granger with Reason
& Faith. Praise God that both ministries are
still in existence. You'll be seeing a few of their book reviews show up on
this site for books I don't own (but would like to).
The music ministry I've been entrusted with has grown slowly. Our adult choir, youth and mass choirs are sounding wonderful. Senior choir too (although I don't direct them). The Lord is putting bringing about (slowly) the formation of a gospel group under my direction. I'm meeting people from various backgrounds that all have some link to me (e.g.- today, I met a bass player at a music store who knows my old Sunday school teacher, a few weeks ago I ran into an old schoolmate who now plays for another church and there's a brother who I used to work with who sings for his church). On top of it, there's MORE than a few people at my church who are musically blessed including my advisor, one of the deacons and of course, Bro. Ernest Flowers (my right hand without whom I'd be stumbling over the hymns all alone each week). Think the Lord is moving? Of course He is. In due time. We're all planning a concert for the beginning of next year.
On the personal front, an issue I've been dealing with for months now (the same issue which necessitated the resurrection of this site and my jump back into the ministry) is slowly moving toward working out the way I want it to. I want everyone reading this who is a believer to keep my ex-fiancee (who shall remain nameless for now) in prayer. She's going thru a lot and needs the prayers of the saints to aid her as well as the strength of Christ, which (because of her situation) she's found hard to find. I love her so much that it hurts me to see her hurt. Pray that things work out for her and the situation she's going through now.
Next up, congratulate me!!
My mother and I just moved into a new townhouse. We truly are blessed. I'm about
to finish the basement, sans the electrical work and possibly the plumbing (yeah,
I do home improvement too...but y'all ain't know dat!!). I'm taking another
semester off from finishing my degree. Pray for me that the Lord would guide
my steps in what to do about my music ed degree. I've been considering transferring
to another
local school which is a LOT closer (30 min bus ride/20 min drive vs 45 mins
along the highway or 2 hours bus to commuter rail). I'm also saving for a car,
a new computer....a lot of stuff Keep
me in prayer.
Last word: public apology to Watchman Fellowship for the accidental bounced
check. I should've mailed a money order. The payment is in the mail. Please
forgive me, AOL debited my account and I didn't visit the bank in time. Luckily,
CRI took longer to cash their check and I had funds by then. *mental note- buy
books by Larry Burkett.....*
I'm out for the month. Back to listening to my Fred Hammond CD......::::singing::::
"Jesus is all....the world...the world to me....He is...my life....He's everything
that I hoped for....He's everything that I need..."
In Total Praise Mode,
Kerry
6/23/98
As usual, I'm losing sleep
to make sure a website gets updated. Seems to be my life pattern as of late.
I almost want to call out from work later today.
It's been an interesting 4 months. A lot of it was rough- originally, I had
another less encouraging update set for this letter, but the Lord, in His goodness,
has made things better (doesn't He always?). I've spent a lot of time dealing
with His peace once again and experiencing it for myself (Phil. 4:6-7). I can
say that I have hope and once again, many of my fears about some aspects of
the future have been put in perspective- an eternal perspective. I've seen a
few doors close (some SLAM) in my face, but by the same token, I've seen the
Lord open new doors and make new ways for me. Things always change (or appear
to) from this finite human perspective.
I'd been really depressed over some things I had to deal with over the past
few months, but after some serious prayer, the Lord has given me peace about
them.
It's funny- tell me that the Bible is corrupted and challenge me, I trust the
Lord unconditionally and unhesitantly because I know there's more than enough
evidence, both past and existing to show that the Bible we have today is preserved
100% intact with no loss whatsoever and I know that all attacks on scripture
have no basis and it's only a matter of finding that bias or faulty argument
and dismantling it ; ask me to trust the Lord on a personal issue dear to my
heart, I look around at my personal situation and don't think it's going to
happen the way I'd hoped or prayed for. A lot of it comes from a lack of companionship.
Yep, the 'single christian blues' are getting to me. Of course, it's easy to
use the ole quick-fix answer 'singleness is a gift and the Lord wants you to
use your time alone for Him! Don't worry, He'll take care of you in that area!
But when you're going through it, it's a whole different situation. The one
thing that the Lord has done is grant me His peace in the midst of my heart
feeling alone. Another is that I've been using my time to praise Him. Now, it's
HARD to praise God in the midst of problems. But for some unexplainable reason,
I have JOY which overshadows my pain when I take time to praise Him. I listen
to music which praises Him and take it to heart- it becomes my testimony. I
feel His presence near to me. I almost come to tears a few times (actually I
do!). In my mind and my heart, I am then reminded of His promises- to direct
my paths (Prov. 3:5-6), and never to leave me begging for bread (Psalm 37:25-26)
and for more abundant life (John 10:10). Suddenly, I find a reason- a FEW reasons-A
FEW DOZEN reasons to give Him praise AND to trust Him (and the music I listen
to reinforces this!).
Just enough strength for the day. This is what James means when he writes to
count it joy when you fall into various trials and testings (James 1:2). The
Lord opens doors in other areas of my life during all of this, which assure
me that in those things I need and desire which fall within His will, He WON'T
leave me hangin'
As far as this site, I've been preoccupied. I have about 30 questions (and the
list is growing) backed up that I need to get to- one is going to turn into
a series. Bro. Terry out of Texas has e-mailed me about the Christadelphians
and getting some scholarly material written up about them. I did some digging
and really can't find much that's been written about them to counter their belief
system (probably because they are so small in number worldwide). So I'm going
to be doing something fresh. They have a few websites up that I'll be using
as references including their 'official' website, Christadelphia.org, so once
I'm done, I'll be posting my link with replies to their belief system so that
everyone can use it. It's a shame- they're all so close to the truth but :::::in
the voice of Maxwell Smart:::::: "miss it by THAT much...."
Nothing like reading a little prophecy to put things back in perspective for
you. I just got done with Dr. David Jeremiah's Escape The Coming Night
- I basically picked up the book around 7pm on a Monday and was 30 pages from
the end by 5am the next morning. I couldn't put it down- it's a GOOD book on
prophecy. In fact, I've made it my book of the month. But yeah, reading of things
to come, it kinda puts a heavy burden on my heart to reach out. I have a lot
of friends who are dear to me and I want them to know Christ and accept what
He offers, but I know that like anyone else, everyone's got to make the decision
for themselves. My heart aches and almost breaks to imagine some of them standing
before the Great White Throne Judgement of Revelation 20 (FYI- no one
at that throne is saved . They're all getting sentenced
to differing degrees of eternal punishment based upon their works). If you take
nothing else away from this site, take with you that the Creator of the Universe
loves you and wants a personal, intimate relationship with you and came to the
earth in the person of Jesus Christ to make it possible.
I finally realized it's been beyond too long since I updated and all the changes
I wanted to add all at once are just delaying everything. So I'm back to updating
in peices here and there. So keep an eye on your box- more updates are coming
soon!!
On that note, keep me, my job and my music ministry in prayer. The Adversary
loves using pre-existing sin to try and knock you off track---even from some
of your own brothers and sisters in Christ. But no weapon formed against me
shall prosper (*in Fred Hammond type voice*).
Go read the rest of the site!!! I dare ya!!!
In Christ,
Kerry
I've been blessed over the past month. I've gotten a LOT of good feedback over
the site, as well as my personal page. Things with school are working out a
little differently than I thought,but the Lord is good and has a purpose behind
everything. Now if I can just get out the habit of being lazy sometimes
I've also been blessed tohook up with many of my Blue and White Family members who also happen to be my brothers and sisters in Christ- which is a beautiful thing. You might see my link on the front page to The Askeni Tribe - Askeni means outsider - as believers in Christ, when we take a stand on an issue (instead of caving in like a waffle), we often become the 'outsiders' because we don't fit into the unsaved world's frame of thought.
I've seen a lot of prayers answered over the past month- I've also seen the need to pray MORE for some people, whom I still worry about tremendously because I see the path their lives are taking. The Lord has been using me- which is a good thing. That keeps me out of trouble.
I've ran across a few challenges from some folks here at school who obviously hold a critical stance against scripture- this is good. I've set up some future times for all of us to sit and discuss the issues at hand- we're going to set definite topics and such. I'll keep folks abreast of that. In the meantime, since I can already guess one of the topics (*yawn* the historical Jesus), I've began my research. I've also come across a few books which are aiding in my research. This brings me to a point- as one of the guys asked me a day or two ago---- what is the point of debate or discussion? What is the ultimate goal?
Admittedly, I'm stuck on Christ. It's my presumption (based upon His spotless track record of answering prayer and always pulling my butt out of the fire) that there will always be evidence available to refute any argument brought up by an unbeliever. Period. Biased? Yep, but no more than many unbelievers who approach scripture with presumptions about what could be true and what can't in the NT. It doesn't preclude us from having a logical discussion on the subject- as long as we both know what we're working with off the top.
Now, back to the ultimate goal of this. It can be stated in two parts actually - my personal goal and my goal for them. My personal goal is to find out what arguments these gentlemen have and to examine and see if their arguments hold any weight (do we hold weight as we rotate on our axis? Whose world is this?- I've been DYIN' to ask this....). My goal for them is to remove whatever stumbling blocks (or possible 'resting stones' hee hee hee) are in their way to accepting Christ. Prayerfully and ONLY prayerfully, I can make the impact that the Lord would have me to make- for HIS glory- not my own.
On that note, I'm off to design my business cards. I still have a few long hours left in today and I still have more work to do at home tonight (on this site and others). See you next update.
Early in the morning.....
PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!!!!
You know, I had a short peice written earlier for this part of the page, but I've decided to add this new entry since a lot has happened between then and now. It's 2:25am and I have school in the morning, but it's no biggie. I'm kinda hyped up off the Spirit right now. In setting up this site, I decided I'd use a lot of my old material that I already wrote up on various topics back in 1993 and 1994 (some 95 and some 96)----- so tonight, I decided to take a look through some of it---- man, it is SOOOO FUNNY to 're-learn' some of the things you've already been taught or you already knew. I looked back on many of my old writings and saw things in there that I'd forgotten (simply from lack of practice and study) and realized a lot of new things that I'd learned since then too- God is good!! Needless to say, there's about 20-25 incomplete articles and essays that I'll be finishing up and adding to this site over the next few weeks and months.
I also came to realize (from the dates of some of my works) that even during the time that I thought that I was at my spiritual 'low point', the Lord was STILL using me and what He's already equipped me with, to reach people. Needless to say, I was kinda impressed at some of the stuff I'd been saying back then when I re-read it all. Boy, the Lord works with you even when you're not realizing it. And now that my spiritual side has caught up with my intellectual side (and thankfully, suprassed it), the Lord can use me even more effectively. It's amazing to look back and see the Lord actually STILL working, even when you think He's not---but then again, any God who can measure out the Universe in a hand-span is an AWESOME God, so I shouldn't be suprised. Right now, I'm REALLY in a praise and worship mood (and this Hezekiah Walker CD is helping too!!).
Coming up soon, you'll be seeing a WHOLE LOTTA new stuff on this site, especially in the Y pages, since I found a whole SLOO of questions posed by unbelievers that I saved back when I used to be on eWorld (HEY, all you old eWorldians- e-mail me if you have some of those old posts too!!). I even found transcripts from the old discussion forum I used to host on eWorldwhich I used to call "The Bible Answerman" (not to be confused with CRI's 'The Bible Answer Man', which comes on live everyday at 3pm Pacific Time on many Christian Radio Stations).
I wanna give a quick shoutie
to a few folks on here-much love in Christ to my fellow Askeni Tribe members
( especially Ty and Rashad )--the Askeni Tribe are members of the Zeta Phi Beta
Sigma Family dedicated to sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ (link to the page
coming soon for all those who wanna know more), Rev. Arlen Payne down in Florida
ministering to the Seminoles, to all of my bros. and sisters at Open Bible Baptist
Church (we commin' to the web soon!!), Ernie down at N.A.S.A. (drivin' that
PHAT car), Cindy and Brian Barber (FRAT!), my beloved sister in Christ and dear
friend LaTanya over at Washington Bible College (dat's my dawg, dat's my dawg,
DAT'S MY DAWG!!), a certain MIA Vanessa Dobson of the Jesus Cafe
(where've you been, sis?), long time friends off the net whom I haven't seen
in ages from eWorld- J. Hipp, Susan (Soliste), my 'co-host' Pat, KRae (who is
over on AOL now, but I can NEVER catch her on line), Explorer and anyone else
I've missed-- including my favorite Unitarian, Roy (Pulpiteer). Look for me
to show up in Talk City reeeelll soon
The Psalm for tonight is Psalm 121, upon which Hezekiah's Walker's "Jesus is My Help" is based:
Enjoy the site this month. To the glory of the Lord!!!
1/26/98
The Lord's been giving me a LOT of peace (Phil. 4:6-7) about many situations in my life right now---my main concern now lies more with people I've been in contact with that don't know Christ. This site's about to turn TWO YEARS old and it's about time I put energy into it like I do with my 'other' sites. Hopefully, the Lord will allow this site to be used as a vehicle for me to aid in leading them to Christ. A few new books, a few new CD's and all is well (except that I need to start toning up and working out!). Nothing really big to report, except that I'm FINALLY glad to get this site off the ground again. I've been spending my days off working on websites, including this one, and I hope that everything comes together the way I want it to (for the Lord's glory of course). I've been BLESSED with many opportunities to share my faith with others, all of which seem to be building up to me getting this site back up. Now, with the Y pages and all being up and running, I can answer those questions which folks have been raising that I haven't gotten a chance to get to yet. Keep a brutha in prayer- especially since school's about to start back up. I have some grades to get changed, then I'll be okay for this semester and prayerfully graduate in the fall.
12/25/97
Forgiveness. Luke 17. Back on the 14th, I taught Sunday school and taught the kids about forgiveness (I'm teaching the teenagers at my old church again). On Saturday night, as I sat there dealing with some things which came up from my past that I had to deal with where I had been wronged, I heard my words echoing back at me that I'd told the kids a week earlier-"The Bible remains words on paper until you put it into practical application in your lives." Now it was my turn to put my own words into practice. Sometimes, the Lord uses YOU to prepare yourself, especially when you know the truth.
My first reaction to everything was that of your typical human---unforgiveness turns to bitterness, hurt, pain and much more. This affects the way we deal with others who have hurt us---and the longer you allow them to stay and fester without forgiving the one who offended you, the more all of that bitterness, hurt and pain build up. It could be in your relationships against someone who hurt you, a co-worker on a job who wronged you has treated you unfairly. Human nature has a habit of constantly REPEATING and REPLAYING the event in our minds, each time, justifying ourselves and how WRONG we've been treated. In some cases, this leads to us justifying treating the person who offended us in like manner by "well, they did it to me!!"----precisely what Jesus warned AGAINST- "You have heard that it was said, `Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." (Matthew. 5:38-39) We've all heard the phrase 'a slap in the face'- slapping in the face was (back then) and still is considered in some countries to be an insult (much in the same fashion verbal insults are slung at others freely in this country).
I found myself 'handing off' my bad attitudes and anger to the Holy Spirit sometimes because I didn't want to deal with things and people who I felt offended and wronged me---thankfully, He DOES give the strength to resist those oh-so-human urges to seek revenge. Romans 12:17-21 speaks well on this topic---and it's something that I've been putting into practice for weeks now---specifically verse 21---"Do not allow yourselves to be mastered by evil, but master and subdue evil with good." (my literal translation). Christ has given those who trust in Him, the ministry of reconciliation- not only that men be reconciled to God, but that we all be reconciled to one another.
12/7/97
Well, it's been ages since I've had a chance to do a proper update to this entire site- so much has changed over the past year- I've grown, taken more responsibility on, done more than my share of sinning, repenting, falling down, getting back up, learning from my mistakes and more. I've had time to reflect on a lot of things which haven't been right and proper in my life since Spring of 1995 and I've come to a conclusion: The Lord sometimes uses whatever situation you are in to produce personal growth. Christ sometimes looks toward improving the personality and the person's way of interacting with others in addition to the person's spiritual growth.
I've been been through some massive changes over the past year- especially over the past few months. I've seen areas of my life which I thought the Lord had previously left "open" ended, re-open and produce a whole new mass of situations to deal with. Thankfully, He's used the time over the past few years to deal with my personal being and has matured me enough that I am now able to handle the situations which are put before me.
This and other things have all coincided with the exact moment when I've finally cleared out things which have been hindering me spiritually- so now more than ever, not only do I need to rely on HIM and HIS strength and guidance (Phil. 4:6-7,13), but I'm also having a lot required of me in the process of serving Him.
It's kinda cool the way the Lord hooked it up and has everything rolling all at once on me- most people would crack, but I'm holding up pretty well since I've matured to the point of knowing that I need to lean on Him right now. It's a beautiful thing to feel Him working in my life again and SEE IT - not that He ever stopped working in my life before, but during those times when you stray slightly off path from Him and your fellowship with Him is hindered, you cannot see His face, nor hear His voice or really see what He's doing with you.
I received a few things in my in-box today-one of them from a believer on AOL who just started doing weekly mailings. It had to do with relationships- I believe that and a few other things I've seen have led me to the conclusion that the Lord is about to start working with me in a major way once again (which is also why I have this renewed vitallity and felt like updating this site today) and on top of that, I'm going to go through some serious trials in the near future in addition to having to handle all my current responsibility load.
Now anyone who knows me and knows Christ knows what type of trials I've been through over the past few years, especially in the area of relationships. At first, I was a bit saddened- I have grown weary of going through changes on a regular basis, especially after being stressed out about school, my fraternity and other issues in my life. Again, I had to take a look back and recall that " No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
I could go on to quote James 1:2-5 and Romans 8:28 right after this, but you get the idea. The Lord doesn't let anything come through your path that you can't handle OR that you can't handle with HIS STRENGTH. I realize that changes in my life right now are to augment that personal growth He's allowed me with some solid spiritual growth. In the weeks coming, I'm staying as close to Him as possible because I know something heavy is about to drop on me and I need to be ready for it.
Keep me in prayer y'all!!!
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