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12/1/99

I've had some strange things pop up over the weeks.

For example, as you know, I FINALLY (11+ years later) got baptized TODAY (12/1/99).

I was supposed to be investing my time in membership in a social organization which I'd been neglecting as of late, so I was contacted today to be at a meeting tomorrow night. During all of this, as you recall, I was dating an unsaved person, but in the process of breaking things off (the Lord was making a way out for me, since I shouldn't have gotten in in the first place, but praise God for repentance). Then the strangest thing happens. She gets date-raped by some dude she met of the net and went out to the movies with. It sounded strictly platonic and I know her- she's a real trusting person. I don't know if she was telling him to stop because she realized she was going to cheat on me or whether it was because he was really too agressive, but homie didn't stop and now she has internal bruises and stuff. So I'm sitting here at 2:30am wondering 'okay Lord- why? Why her? Why now? Why me?'. Half of me is asking 'boyfriend' questions (i.e.- what was he doing in your room in the first place, where were you two, how affectionate were you on the date, etc...), the other half is comforting her, praying with her/for her.

Now I'm at a slight crossroads as to where to be tomorrow (12/2)- the meeting, which will determine my membership in the organization, or making a trip to her campus, giving her a phone call and going to see her and comfort her personally. The 'comforting' half of me (probably due to the 'influence' I've had all night with scripture and fellowship with the saints and all) won out, but I'm confused as to why I'm here right now. Lord, what am I supposed to do? I won't say I feel 'detached' from the situation, but I'm not feeling that full-blown rage that a boyfriend is supposed to feel. I'm not feeling the need to gather up all of my frat brothers in the immediate vicinity with black hoodies and bats and go break this fools' legs- if it had happened to the woman I believe to be my future wife, I'd be pissed off beyond the normal levels of pisstivity and probably would make the above scenario a reality. Instead, I'm calm. Slightly 'detached', if you will- as if an outsider stepping in. Maybe because she and I haven't spent that much time together as of late? Maybe because I've conditioned my mind to prepare to break up with her, thereby removing most of the emotional bond I'd developed with her over the weeks prior?

Lord, what do I do fom here?

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